Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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