Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
