Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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