Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
