whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
