You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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