i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
