Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
