Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
