i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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