Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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