Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
