I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Randomize
