He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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