So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
