his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
