halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
