I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I deserve to be covered in dicks
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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