its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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