this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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