I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I want a musical about memes.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
