There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
