I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
