I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
