and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
