Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
