Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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