is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
this hospital has no fireball
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
