Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
