something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
