You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
