you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
porn star boner night. come get it.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
