I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
