By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
