In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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