he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
