Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
