just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
