I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
