I wannas sexs uuuuu
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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