Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
