woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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