is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
