I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
