College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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