chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
