I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
