I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
