First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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