I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
