He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
