so explain again why im purple
no
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
